Public Nudity in San Francisco

Talking Nudity with Your Grandmother: Everything is Possible in San Francisco
I’m driving my grandmother through a busy Castro intersection in San Francisco. We’re on our way to her doctor’s appointment but I know we won’t be talking about health in a moment. As we pass the well-known Jane Warner Plaza, a hotspot for sunbathing nudists, I know we’ll be talking about nudity… Now, discussing nudity with your elderly grandmother on the way to her doctor’s appointment is anything but comfortable. As we dive courageously into the conversation, I actually find myself defending the nudists. Meanwhile, my grandmother, upholding strict Victorian era morals, advocates for public floggings or involuntary confinement in mental institutions.

In the Defense of a Wandering, as Well as a Stationary, Nudist
I try to remain calm and rational as I present my defenses of the free-spirited pedestrians. I say, for example, that if we start confining naked dudes to mental institutions, the practice will soon spill over into the fully dressed weirdoes inhabiting San Francisco (i.e., the city’s entire population, since everyone living in Frisco is a bit weird). Further, shameful public floggings would hardly be viewed as punishments in SF: no doubt, people would find it entertaining.

Complaints Against SF Nudists Depend on Your Aesthetic Preferences
One of my grandmother’s arguments was hard to beat. Apparently, in her view, the naked dudes are simply not very handsome. She would prefer to see somebody with a more athletic build… something more pleasing to an old lady’s discerning eye… My grandmother’s aesthetic complaints are many: protruding bear bellies, poor postures, lack of a healthy-looking tan.

While beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I am more than ready to chime in on this issue of aesthetics. In addition to my grandmother’s complains, there is an obvious shortcoming among the San Francisco nudists in that they are nearly all male. Let’s be honest, I would prefer to see a better representation of good-looking ladies on the Jane Werner Plaza–or elsewhere in San Francisco, for that matter.

Under-representation of Women in Urban Nudism: Who is to Blame?
Apparently, for some reason, women are underrepresented on Jane Werner Plaza. Why? I’ve lost my sleep over this issue. The blatant unfairness of this situation is mind-boggling. The only rational explanation could be found in natural habitat theory: not-so-good looking but larger male nudists are territorial and eventually out-compete the more bashful San Francisco female, squeezing her from Jane Werner Plaza habitation. Analogous behaviors are found in pinniped populations. For example males of California sea lions exhibit size-related dominance by barking, chest-to-chest pushing, and shoving.

Quick Legal Update: No Place Under the Sun
In a narrow decision, San Francisco Board of Supervisors approved a public nudity ban, which was later upheld as constitutional by U.S. District Judge. Once the ban goes into effect fully, the drive through the Castro to my grandmother’s doctor appointment will perhaps become a little bit more conventional.

However, it seems that when passing the public nudity ban, no one thought about enforcement. Enforcing the public nudity ban draws media attention: no police officer or public official wants to become memorialized on national television while engaging in a brave wrestling match with stubborn nudists. Presumably for San Francisco police, nudity is not a problem unless it is also “lewd.”

The Fall and Rise of Urban Nudism
It’s worth noting that the U.S. Supreme Court has opined that even unprotected speech, such as public nudity, must generally be free from imposition of content-based restrictions. Depending on how broadly the phenomenon of urban nudism is defined, the San Francisco Board’s decision to regulate it may not be construed as a simple time and place regulation. Therefore, soon, we may become unwitting spectators of grand legal battles centered around San Francisco’s Jane Werner Plaza and developing trends in urban nudism.